Domestic Violence ~ Memorial Page Those who lost their lives

I am Journey. My wife, Joni and I are known as the VtwinSouls throughout Arizona.
My wife is a Survivor of Domestic Violence from her ex husband.

I was a world wide traveler years before meeting my wife. Lived in Hawaii and
traveled through Mexico and India, South America and Germany. I met my wife
and we fell in love immediately, both of us have a love for the open road riding
motorcycles; thus our name the VTwinSouls! Both Joni and I have a gentle spirit
about us with the desire to help others. When I met her I was not fully aware of
her painful past, I met her son and we bonded instantly. She told me that he
would never allow any man get close to him because of the severe abuse he
received from his paternal father. He and I strongly bonded as father and son! My
wife is amazed when she hears "our son" call me DAD, he does not tell others that
I am his step dad, he says "My Dad"! Our lives together were meant to be. As
time went on my wife brought out more about the Domestic Violence she lived with
for many years. She is a strong woman but it took great effort on her part to
become who she is today.

Before she started her Ready 2 Live program I was not fully aware of the
devastation that Domestic Violence creates. We hear "small" pieces on the news
and read on the Internet as well as the news paper of assaults and murders.
There is so much more than society is aware of, Domestic Violence is rampant
and ruins the lives of women and children as well as other family members.
Through her communications with victims of Domestic Violence, these women of
all ages are afraid. Their fears are more than we can ever imagine. The tears
they cry when talking with my wife is heartbreaking.

One might think "Why do they put up with it" "Why don't they just leave" I believe
these questions are not total ignorance. These questions more than likely come
from those who are not exposed to Domestic Violence, therefore there is not an
understanding of the fears these women experience. The women who endure
Domestic Violence range from dating, even teenage dating; lower to upper income
brackets, well educated to no high school diploma, senior adults also live in an
abusive relationships. Domestic Violence also occurs in same gender
relationships. The women who live in a violent relationship are afraid for their lives
and leaving is difficult for them to do. Their mate is a controlling, manipulative
person who use physical, mental force tactics to scare the women when they feel
the women will leave. Women who leave who are employed and her mate knows
where she works can be threatened by him while she is at work, threaten other
employees she works with, show up at her work harassing her which in turn could
get her fired. He may take her vehicle while it is parked in the parking lot of her
employment. Leaving her helpless, no job, no vehicle and a man who physically
assaults her to make her feel that he will kill her or threaten to harm her parents or
siblings if she does not return to him. Understand, this is a most common ploy that
the abuser uses to get his way. The victim is truly A VICTIM, NOT A SELF MADE
MARTYR. She, through his verbal, mental, emotional and physical abuse has lost
her self confidence and self esteem. Depression and shame of her abused life
often comes into her life.

Women of abuse live a life filled with guilt brought on by her abuser. Her mate will
profoundly apologize to her after assaulting her with his fists, rape her or
physically abuse her children to get even with her. When he apologizes he will
many times say "I am so sorry, I will never do that again. But do you understand if
you had not said what you said....did what you did.....emabarrass me like that, I
would never have done this to you."   The women is already fearful, confused and
will eventually feel that she is the one who brought the assaults on.

In my wifes case, when she would try to leave her ex, he would find her. Beat her
up along with her children. He assaulted her mother. He had stolen her cars,
used weapons to control and intimidate her to return to him. She had been found
at a women's shelter, he threatened the workers there and parked his car in front
of the shelter to prove his power! The shelter had to ask her and her children to
leave for the safety of the others who resided there, they placed her into a hotel in
another county! She was left without money, no clothing for her children and
herself. Her coupons that were provided by the Salvation Army for food were
gone. She had gone to a bank to take money from the ATM. Her husband found
her through the location of the ATM machine! It was a small town not hard to find
her.

She is just one example. Millions of women are physically, mentally and
emotionally abused. Women are killed by their abuser and sometimes the abuser
will take his own life after killing her. This occurrence is dramatically on the rise in
our country as well as other countries.
The daily threat of being killed is the lifestyle that a woman of abuse lives with is a
fear that many people do not understand. We shake our heads and wonder what
is wrong with women who live like that. You would have to live inside of a woman
who is abused to know the pain, shame and the fear they live with. With the
economy having so few jobs nation wide, women who run to the safety of a DV
Shelter have a difficult time finding a job by the time there stay is up and some
unfortunately return to the abuser because they do not have the means to
become self sufficient. THIS IS A HORRIBLE REALITY that is taking place in our
nation.   One sad reality is that our courts disregard the pleas of women who turn
to the judicial system for help, dismissed as another marital issue. Often women
are ordered to go through mediation with their abuser. This type of ruling gives
the abuser more freedom and encourages rage and anger in the abuser because
he was dragged into court and "humiliated".
The victim of abuse who does plead with the courts to help her is falling on deaf
ears many times. The courts will sometimes give the abuser another chance!
There is progress but still there are loopholes that victims fall into that create more
abuse to the victim.

Through what my wife does to raise Domestic Violence Awareness and her talking
with women, I hear the crys and feel the pain they endure. My wife is a Survivor
and through her I have noticed that women who are victims will turn to a Survivor
before they make the call to a crisis line or DV Shelter. Some of the women she
has dealt with have notified her that after communicating with her that they made
the call to get help and they want take the steps to become a Survivor. What she
does is worth it all! There are women whose spouses works in law enforcement
and are petrified to leave or call a shelter or crisis line they seek a Survivor
because of the situation they are in. That is a tough situation. Domestic Violence
is all around us.

People need to become aware of Domestic Violence, is affects society in many
ways. Employers should have a plan that offers security to their employees as
well as the employee who is a victim. Churches and other organizations,
businesses need to be aware of Domestic Violence and to find ways to become
involved.

The women and children who run from their home to free themselves of the
abuser, leave with only the clothes on their backs. You can help be part of the
solution by donating your clothing to DV Shelters, there are thrift stores that take
donations specifically for Victims of Abuse. Your old cell phones donated to DV
organizations help the victims to have a cell phone. Your furniture could be
donated along with bedding, cookware, dishes, silverware, hygiene and grooming
items. All of these items go to the victims to start their lives when it is time to leave
the shelter and live on their own. All your items donated to DV organizations are
tax deductible. These women NEED all the help they can get to start a life as a
self sufficient woman. My wife has heard some people say "What is in it for me, it
is easier to throw stuff away or give it to a second hand store". Her response to
them is "Your EXTRA effort will give a victim of DV a very thankful heart, helping
her to start her life and Break The Silence she lives in. You do something special
to help someone you do not know...that unknown person will always remember the
caring hearts of those who helped her for life!"

Employers can open their doors to women who reside in shelters giving them a
chance to be self sufficient. When a victim goes through the programs offered at
the shelters and safe house, having a job and knowing they CAN support
themselves will create a sense of independence with less chance of looking back
and possibly returning to the abuser.

There are many Business owners in our churches that can open their doors to
victims of abuse.
My wife talks to women's groups at churches and mens groups to get them to
understand deeper about Domestic Violence and to try to get them as a group to
become involved with. Some churches she has spoken to have no idea of what
they can do to get more involved. She guides them on ways they can offer help.
Some churches also do not want to openly discuss Domestic Violence because it
is too deep of a subject to bring up to their congregation.

Wake up and look around, the victim IS YOUR NEIGHBOR, YOUR CHURCH
MEMBER, YOUR EMPLOYEE, YOUR COWORKER, YOUR BOSS AT WORK,
YOUR FAMILY MEMBER, YOUR FRIEND, THE CLERK AT THE GROCERY
STORE.   The victims are much closer than your aware of. Become involved,
become aware that Domestic Violence is something that we should not close our
eyes and ears to.

Bikers can be aware of Domestic Violence and become involved. Teddy bear
drives at your MMA meetings and other clubs can allow a frightened child who has
to go to a shelter have a teddy bear for comfort, we all know a teddy bear to hold
close as a child is very comforting! Seems like a small thing to do having teddy
bears to donate, but it instills some comfort to a child who is frightened.

This page is an extension of Ready2Live-Joni's Story. My name is Journey, Joni's Husband and I am actively
involved in Domestic Violence Awareness. If your a biker and have the heart to help victims of DV contact
us for runs in the Phoenix and Arizona areas or to talk to your groups on what you can do to help a broken
woman become a strong self sufficient survivor free from Domestic Violence.

Ready 2 Live-VTwinSouls

Arizona Bikers and Men Against Domestic Violence