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WOMEN REBUILDING LIVES FROM ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
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ESCAPE
YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

As we go through life experiences being the victim of domestic violence, it can
break us down.  Loving a person who betrays our trust with abuse, whether it be
physical, mental or emotional it robs us of very important factors in our life.  
Those factors are- our self esteem, self confidence, our inner beauty and
sometimes our physical beauty.  Abusive relationships rob us of clear thinking,
good judgement and leads us down a path of self destruction.  You may carry
scars on your body from the hands of someone who promised to love you. You
may carry emotional and mental scars.
Look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself what YOU see in that mirror...are your
eyes filled with joy?  Does your face radiate the confidence of a happy woman?  
Or  Do you see a woman that is lost and broken hearted  What you see in the
mirror is what every one else sees when they look at you!
This is also the face your children see.  What father, mother, brother and sister
can hold back tears when they watches someone they love suffer.  My father
and mother watched me struggle through life, my parents cried over me when I
was hurting and heartbroken.  Part of healing is to face that woman in the mirror
looking back at you and start to see that you cannot do this alone.  True beauty
comes from the inside and shines through the outside.  Keep in mind that
laughter in your day is a great remedy on those tough days.

YOU CAN BE STRONG

Do not let the word can't be a part of your thoughts or vocabulary!  When you
start to see that this is not a healthy relationship, get out. Get to women's
shelters if you do not have family that you can stay with.  Call 911, do what you
have to do to get out of the danger.  The people at the shelters are trained to
give support to women of domestic violence.
Counseling is very beneficial if you stick with the mental tools they teach
you. There may be times when you just feel weak mentally and emotionally but
do not give in to those feelings.  That is like taking one step forward and two
steps backward...you don't get anywhere when negative feelings and thoughts
take over.  
Think of yourself as a SURVIVOR!  It is all too easy to ALLOW negative self
doubting feelings capture your mind and heart.  Practice telling yourself that you
are beautiful and strong.  It is very difficult to feel depressed when you are not
moving forward and you are looking back instead of forward to your good future.

There is a key word which is often overlooked is  FORGIVE.  This has a lot to do
with becoming a strong woman. Holding bitterness, anger and even vengeful
thoughts against the abuser affects your communication with friends, family and
co-workers.  It also affects your health, believe it or not that is true.  When you
carry unforgiveness for someone that has hurt you and even unforgiveness of
yourself your health is affected.  It manifests itself with headaches, intestinal
problems, inability to handle stress and many other health issues. We tend to
have tremendous trust issues with everyone in our lives.
Forgive that person  who physically abused me?  YES Forgive the persons
actions that violated you so that you can move on with your life and rebuild for a
better today and future.  This step of Forgiving is often overlooked.  You may
never get the chance to tell the abuser that your over it and have Forgiven his
actions.  But you can help yourself move forward in putting your life together by
the simple act of Forgiving.  We have a tendency to blame ourselves and
sometimes relive over and over the regrets of..."Why didn't I leave the abusive
relationship earlier" "It's my fault that I put my children through this"  Another part
of being strong is to make the time for your children, help them to rebuild and
find good counseling for them.  Children tend to hold in many feelings that fester
and manifests in them for many years, they also need trained help. It is tough on
them because they do not understand the anger, fear and feeling of being
abandoned emotionally and mentally from a man who is supposed to
love them.  Children cannot properly express verbally what is going on inside of
them as well as we can.  Children without the supervised guidance of a good
counselor usually repeat the past also and expressing anger or frustration in
unhealthy ways ending up becoming an abuser.  Children who live in a violent
home do not know what a healthy loving family life is.  They witness displays of
anger, violence, loud voices and other scenarios that affect them in a negative
way.  Every child deserves the chance to rebuild their lives because the damage
of child abuse and domestic violence affects them in very deep ways, they
deserve the chance to recovery to ensure they live healthy and productive lives.

Moving forward does not mean take the guilt baggage with you.  Close the door
on regrets and guilt, it is baggage that will haunt you.  Moving forward means,
leaving the bad behind and walking on a road to bettering your life and your
children's lives.  
Another thing we women do is to put up walls.  These walls we put up around
ourselves can have a disadvantage. We often times believe these walls around
us...can protect us and they are deceiving us with out us knowing it.  When we
have these tough walls around us, it becomes difficult to appreciate the kindness
of another without thinking that there is a motive lurking around.  The walls make
it difficult for a healthy relationship with friends, family and coworkers. Others
sense that wall by your attitude and feel that they have to climb that wall just to
get to know you.  Women like us find it hard to accept compliments, kind
words.  Tear down that wall!  The wall has a numbing affect on us, preventing us
to FEEL good about ourselves.  Being cautious is healthy, having a wall up can
hamper your recovery.

DON'T REPEAT THE PAST

On the road to recovery, we tend sometimes to jump ahead of recovery
thinking that we are mended and jump into the wrong relationships with
men.  We do this because we have a need to be accepted, loved,
needed and wanted.  Think about that sentence...there is a very strong
message to pay attention to.  When a person is not healed from the past
there sits this thing called NEED that has become a strong ache inside
your heart and mind.  We jump into another relationship before we are
truly ready.  If you ever find yourself saying..."I just NEED someone to
love me"  "I just want to be accepted and NEEDED"  If you find yourself
saying these words then your not ready for a healthy relationship yet.  
Another clue that your on your way to repeating the past is when you
hear yourself tell others
"HE makes me feel beautiful"  "HE makes me feel whole"  "HE makes
me feel strong"
Those statements are dangerous to your recovery because what
happens
when HE displays anger? When the words He is the first word of your
vocabulary, your strong foundation will crumble because HE will make
you feel ugly, HE will make you feel like your not whole, HE will make
you feel helpless and weak.
A woman who has recovered says, I am beautiful, I am
whole, I am strong!  A recovered woman knows that NO
man can make her feel beautiful, whole or strong.  The
man compliments her beauty, he respects her being a
whole person, admires her strength.  
Wait for the relationships until your self respect, self esteem and
confidence are built up so that your able to make the right choice and
use good judgement.  Get to know YOU, get to know the woman who is
changing because there will be many changes on your road to recovery.
 It is a healing process.  Like drug or alcohol addiction...the recovery is
an ongoing process, it is one step at a time.

Forgiveness is NOT
something we do for others

We Forgive to enable us
to move forward and
make ourselves healthy