My New ~Out of Domestic Violence I had a really good job I was working at Ugly Duckling Car Rentals! I was their receptionist. Now most people could be dignified and answer the phones saying "Thank you for calling Ugly Duckling Rent-a-Car how can I help you today?" Me answer the phone... and not mess up saying that catchy little phrase huh! I got into plenty of trouble, to know me -ya just gotta love me... I can really mess up words and say them backwards or something strange. I usually ended up answering the phone with "Thank you for calling me the Ugly Duckling how can I rent you a car today?" Despite getting into trouble for messing up my dialog, I made enough money to support myself when it came time to leave him and the abusive life that I was experiencing. I believed that God will make a way for that to happen. My ex husband injured his back while on his job and even though the man was in pain with his back before the surgery he was meaner than a junk yard dog and still brutal with his fists as well as his words to me and my children. One week before his surgery he became extremely brutal, so much so that I thought my mind would break. I just could not take anymore pain in my life. I had my faith but somehow on that miracle night things changed. He had punched and shoved me several times during the evening, I ran to the safety of the bathroom, locking the door and was like a scared child standing in the bathtub crying. I could not focus on anything, the only thing I could do was cry and shake uncontrollably. He was at the door asking me to come out of the bathroom. I then felt fear but also brave because I was behind a locked door so I thought I was safe. He kept turning the door knob and several times telling me to open the door. I was brave behind that locked door and said "NO, I will not. I want you out of my house or I will call the police." Then as if it were in slow motion I heard him yell something and I watched in horror as I saw the door along with the door molding fall to the ground. He had such anger that he shoved his body against the door and was determined to kill me that night. He then ran to me. I had no where to go, I was trapped standing in the bathtub my body was tight against the wall. All of his angry, words that he was shouting did not make sense to my frightened mind. The only thing that I remember is the gripping pressure of his hand around my jaw as it lifted me from the bottom of the bathtub then letting me fall. He picked me up like a rag doll shaking me and slammed my body and head into the ceramic tile wall of the bathtub...then everything slipped away. I got out and the next day got a restraint order against him. I wanted him out of my house and out of my life. My children and I stayed with friends for a few days to wait until he was served with the restraint orders to where I could go with police to the house to have him removed. Several days later with my copy of the restraint order in hand the police went to the house to tell him that he had to leave the home. I was told by an officer that I needed to stay by the squad car while they dealt with him. My husband told the officer that he wanted to talk to me before he leaves the home and the officer told me to stand near him while my husband wanted to talk. Everything happened so fast from that moment. He opened the screen door on the screened in porch and grabbed me in so fast before the officer could reach for me. I was standing against my ex husband with his arm clenching my throat. I saw the officers eyes widened in disbelief as he stepped back from the door put both hands to the height of his shoulders and the police officer told him "Let her go and lets you and I talk." He was smart in what he did because any quick move on the officers part could have made it worse for me or even the officer. Then my husband reached to the ground while his other arm was around my throat and grabbed an assault rifle while holding me and told the officers to get off the property or he would kill me. The officers tried to calm him down as my ex husband, with me still attached to him walked backwards to the front door of my house pointing the gun at them both officers while dragging me into the house. The events that took place during four long hours were as if it were something out of a movie it seemed so unreal. I was taken hostage in my own home by my abuser. I wanted out of that nightmare. I was shaking so uncontrollably I kept praying that he would not kill me and that someone would help me before I die. I begged him to let me go the more I begged the angrier he became. I looked out the window and saw my home surrounded by police and squad cars. The site of all the officers around my house aggravated him more. The police tried so many times to talk him out of the house and to let me go. The more they tried to talk to him, the angrier he became at me. I talked him into letting me go into the kitchen for a drink of water. When I walked into the kitchen I saw guns of all kinds on the floor and on the table. He was a gun collector but had always kept them locked up, seeing the many guns sprawled out like that, I knew then that his mind was breaking. I knew that I stood alone against him and came to the realization that I had to fight to keep alive. I tried to compose myself knowing that I had to get myself through this alive and kept my thoughts on my children. I got a glass of water and looked out the kitchen window and I saw men on the roofs of two houses behind my house. I saw one waving his arms and at that moment I felt that I would get out of the house or I would die. He went into the kitchen to get me, afraid I would try to leave. I tried to talk to my husband using a sweet, assuring voice telling him that I want to make our marriage work. For some reason I felt he was listen to me if I said all the words he wanted to hear. I told him that was the real reason of why I came over to the house. His whole demeanor changed, his face had a softer look to it. He said I love you and you hurt me by leaving me like that. He was crying and that gave me the courage to say "If you let me go I will tell the police to go away and I will go and get the kids and come back home." I built the conversation around rebuilding our marriage if he would let me go to bring our children back home knowing full well that going back to him was never going to happend. I had my wedding ring in my pocket, pulling the ring out I said "Everything was my fault, your right, I did hurt you but I still love you." I put the ring on my finger and saw him smile at me as he caressed my face with his hand. Cautiously I said to him "Let me tell the police to leave and I will go and bring the children back home and we can rebuild our marriage." I was holding my breath hoping that he would believe everything that I was saying to him and praying that he would calm down and let me go and had the feeling that time was on my side. The phone rang, he answered it....an officer was trying to talk to him on the phone. He became violent again, picking up a rifle yelling like a wounded animal. With the butt of the gun he broke glass, cabinets, hit the doors in the house. Then took a knife from the kitchen drawer and began cutting and slicing through the fabric on the furniture. I ran as fast as I could through the kitchen back door. An officer grabbed me and rushed me into a squad car for safety. They finally got him out of the house and the last I remember is he was laying face down on the carport while the police put handcuffs on his wrists. An officer let me out of the car, as I leaned against the car I watched him being escorted away. He turned to look at me with a look in his eyes that made me ill. I filed for a divorce and moved to Prescott. I was on my way to trying to rebuild my life, which took many years. After that incident I did not want anything to do with my house, filing a quit deed over in the divorce was good for me. Before the divorce was final I drove to Phoenix, called the police department for an escort to stay at the house while I got some of our belongings. He was locked up but I felt safe to have an officer present. Two patrol cars pulledup to the house. As they got closer to me I said to them "He is not here but there is a history of abuse and I just want someone here with me...." One of the officers said "We are aware of it, we were both present when he held you in the house." The other officer gave me a hug and said "I am the one who grabbed you when you ran out of that house and put you in my car. "We often wonder how you are doing." One of the officers said to me. I did not recognize faces from that day as everything seemed out of sorts but they made me cry tears of relief, I thanked both of them for putting their lives on the line for mine. I was happy for that moment because I had the chance to say thank you to people who helped me! In 1990 I relocated and a Judge in Prescott AZ who placed me into intensive counseling for abuse victims and his desire to see that my ex husband not get away with abuse to any one else. He opened new doors for me to walk through for the many years of recovery. I am thankful for his understanding that Domestic Violence must be dealt with. We can walk away from damaging relationships and close the door behind us right? Wrong! Hey, I thought this was going to be easy...Not!! Closing the door without help or dealing with that pain is damaging. When that door is closed without rebuilding your life properly you will repeat the past. Subconsciously those demons still lurk behind that door, and trust me they are there when not dealt with. Therefore you may not realize that bitterness, fear, anger, distrust and unforgiveness build a wall around you. Many abused women withdraw emotionally from family and reality. We tend to find a comfort zone and keep within the walls |
READY 2 LIVE
WOMEN REBUILDING LIVES FROM ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
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